Hello. I am new in here but certainly not new to the JWs or to recovery from them. I come here by a rather long windy path but here I am. FREE!!!
 
I was introduced to the JWs when I was 11 years old when my mother starting studying with them. Within a year I asked to be baptized but was told I should wait until I was older. Shortly after problems at home resulted in my being placed in a foster home in another city. I lost touch with my family and the JWs for three years. 

I lived for fifteen years in this abusive marriage to a man who slowly rose to elder in the congregation. He was looked up to and was respected by the others in the congregation. My life was spent trying my best to hide the abuse at home (emotional, spiritual and sexual towards me and physical abuse towards the children) and I created the belief that we were the perfect Witness family (2 daughters).

Vacations involved trips to Bethel or to visit other Witnesses. My supporting him allowed him to regularly vacation pioneer and spent all his time ministering to the flock and ignoring the family.
 
I regularly suffered from depression as a result of the abuse at home and the long-term effects of abuse as a child (pre-Witness). Added stress of being an elders wife and trying to be perfectly happy drove me to serious thoughts of suicide.
 
My husband's sexual demands were perverted and disgusting to me but he insisted on them  continually and repeatedly tried to force some of his demands on me. He used the Bible to tell me that it was my obligation as a wife to satisfy his sexual demands and that if I did not he would be forced to commit adultery. I was also reminded that if he did commit adultery it would be my fault and his blood would be on my hands.
 
I felt dirty and ashamed. Used and abused. And believed no one would listen to me or believe me. So I stayed quiet for many years. I finally realized there were two ways out death by suicide or adultery. We tried a separation for a short period of time but he would come to the house and yell and try to get in demanding that I take care of his sexual needs and then he would leave.
 
To deal with this my reasoning went like this:

If I commit suicide I will be dead, my kids will be alone, and God will not forgive me.
 
If I commit suicide he will be free to remarry (that way I will not be responsible if he commits adultery and therefore his blood will not be on my hands) and he will have to stop bothering me PLUS hopefully God will eventually forgive me. If I just left him he would commit adultery and I would be responsible and of course God would not forgive me. Sounds convoluted and it was and it took me two years to figure out what to do.
 
I committed adultery with an almost stranger which turned into a rape -- date rape I suppose. I had the power to be free but was too scared to tell for another year. My suicidal thoughts got worse and worse until finally I had no choice but to tell which of course brought the elders running full force.
 
Now I wasn't in the best of shape to begin with and the whole ordeal of the Judicial Committee really wore me down. At one point my husband knew I was going to tell the truth about his sexual demands so he "stepped down" as elder on the pretext that he needed to spend more time with his family. When the elders met with us HE told them what he had done to me and about his sexual demands (I think he figured that if he told it would look better).
 
Well they disfellowshipped me for a one time experience and white-washed the whole thing for his fifteen years of sexual abuse to me. About five years later I went to one of the elders to ask about reinstatement and I was told there was nothing in my husband's file about his statements and he did not recall my husband ever saying such things. (In the meantime my now ex-husband remarried a sister in the congregation)
 
I never went back.
 
About five years ago a friend asked me some questions about the Witnesses but I knew nothing about the things she was asking. So I started doing some research. What an eye-opener.
 
I knew I was treading on dangerous ground to read this material. Does this sound strange -- that I should still be scared after ten years out to read apostate literature. Well I still believed they had the truth even though I had no faith in the elders. So I was scared but I didn't let the fear stop me. I read and read and read -- everything I could get my hands on.
 
Now during those fifteen years out I had gone back to school and became a counselor working with incest survivors. I became an expert on abuse but most of the literature I read was about physical or sexual abuse -- nothing about psychological abuse or spiritual abuse.  As a part of my work I started reading information about cults and found the gold at the end of the rainbow. My ex-husband was a psychological and spiritual abuser and the organization I was in used the exact same techniques as any abuser in any family. Abuse is abuse and it doesn't matter who is doing it whether an individual or an organization. The Watchtower organization is no different than any abuser. They use fear and threats and intimidation and manipulation and perversions of the truth to control their victims.
 
Well I no longer live with abuse in my daily life and I no longer live with abuse in my spiritual life.  I know the truth and it is not what the JWs teach.
 
Lee Hardiman

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written by Leah Lacdao , June 17, 2009

hi I have jsu tread ur experience ..I am a disfellowshipped Jehovah's Witness and I am havign trouble lettign them go as I still believe that they have the truth and I still admire their high moral standards..but Ihavebeen reading and serachign on net and reading up on personal experiences of Ex Jehovah's Witnesses..I have been sexually abused bye worldly men startign from my Auntie's Husband..and only now at the age of 35 that what he did was sexual abuse or molestation..thanks to the Professionals they have helped me that it is an abuse and through my personal research and Jenni the Psychologist recommended a book entitled "the courage to heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis..since u are a counsellor just wondering if I could get some advise regarding about Jehovah's Witnesses..my mom is still a Jehova's Witness andmy sister in law and some of my mom's relatives whom I got to know and had dealings with them..I really miss my Jehovah's WItnesses friends I feel like I can't find anyone liek them with strong high morals.. cheers Leah

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written by MichalHussay , June 21, 2009

Work brings together people of different characters and behavior, and this often causes friction, resentment and stress. Sometimes the boss is too demanding, colleagues may be unpleasant, there might be too much work or the working conditions may not be comfortable. The job may be boring, there might be competition or envy between the workers or the customers may be uncongenial or unfriendly. No wonder there is tension and stress.

These are some of the reasons why most people eagerly wait for their vacation. Their vacation provides them a way to get out of their daily life and find some peace. The good news is that you do not have to wait for your vacation. You can learn to gain inner peace and enjoy every moment, right where you are. You can stop fretting and getting tense. You can experience peace of mind and happiness wherever you are. When your mind is peaceful, the whole environment become peaceful.

Now you probably wonder what you can do to make this come true. I am not going to talk here about meditation, though this is one of the best peace of mind tools. Below you will find some simple and easy to perform tips and suggestions to experience inner peace at your workplace.

You may not succeed at the first attempts, but if you keep on performing these suggestions earnestly, you will gradually begin to experience peace of mind. This peace will not only by inside you. It will spill over and influence your whole environment.

1) If the people you meet talk in a loud voice, are impolite and tense, you will probably react and behave accordingly, hereby raising the level of tension. On the other hand, if you stay calm, talk, act and react peacefully, people unconsciously emulate your behavior. You become a leading power, no matter what is your position at work.

2) Each day before you enter your workplace, repeat several times the following affirmation with feeling, faith and attention:
"My mind is peaceful throughout the whole day. I radiate peace around me. I talk peacefully, politely and with a smile. I choose to act peacefully".

3) Greet the people you meet at work.

4) Whenever you feel tension or anger building in you, take three deep slow breathes before any talking or action.

5) Pay attention to the words you think, say or write. Use only positive words.

6) Be polite.

7) Whenever you find yourself raising your voice, lower it immediately.

cool

Talk in a medium pitch voice, not too loud or too low, and don't let the loudness or pitch of other people's voices influence yours.

9) Several times during your workday find a quiet place. It may be at your desk, or if it is not quiet enough there, it can be at the bathroom, an empty room or some other quiet spot. For several moments visualize a beautiful location that you love or some event that made you happy. Feel that you are there and enjoy the feelings that arise.

10) While working, concentrate on what you are doing. Put there your full attention. This will keep your mind off disturbing thoughts.

11) Don't waste your time and energy analyzing and thinking about people's motives and behavior, but rather try to improve your actions.

12) Before speaking with someone whom you dislike or fear, or someone who makes you feel tense or angry, take a few deep breathes and visualize the two of you conversing peacefully and harmoniously
-------
rohit.sirohiya
--------------
Sept 1--Sept 1

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written by Uj , July 28, 2009

Hi. U really went through a lot and am sorry.But i think u cause your problem because u kept quiet for too long. U should have report when it started. Am a witness and i could not have condole such behaviour.

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written by bianca rocero , September 27, 2009

lee's case was pretty surprising and sad to say,even though JWs are always reminded in the meetings to do good things,they're also imperfect human beings after all.There are instances that a JW could get to sin even if he tries his best to resist it.JWs are the main targets of Satan because his end is very near and he would want to make it look like Jehovah is not a true GOD by doing everything he could to tempt JWs.I could understand why you felt bad regarding the elders'decision to disfellow you but you could have told them about your husband's sexual abuse a long time ago so the elders could have talked to both of you to resolve the problem.Instead, you commited in adultery that's why you were disfellowshipped.I certainly oppose from your statement that the truth isn't with JWs and that Watchtower is victimizing people.NO,NO,NO!You should think of the fact that elders were also imperfect human beings that's why they caused you pain but not all of them are better.If you really believed in JEHOVAH,you should have never let that incident bring you down.Remember,it is HIM whom you worship,not your ex-husband or the elders.They couldn't save you,JEHOVAH could.HE would judge us based on our deeds.You should have tried to come back to the organization by transfering to other congregation and moved on.I am not a JW,but several bible studies have already conducted on me.I am only interested but I have a deeper understanding about the truth.For sure,your ex-husband's sexual abuse on you doesn't have anything to do with WATCHTOWER.I hope your wrong perceptions about JWs and Watchtower will change.I HOPE JAH will make you understand.

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written by bianca rocero , September 27, 2009

lee,I know how you feel because when I attended a meeting in another congregation,an elder also caused me to feel bad.That elder owned a store near Kingdom Hall and so I went there to buy candies before the meeting started.He was already preparing his things for the meeting when I knocked.He opened the door and asked what I wanted.Since I never heard him clearly,he yelled at me.I felt really bad and was discouraged to attend the meeting.I was like"why did he yell at me?Isn't he an elder?I thought all JWs are meek and kind".That was so stupid of me to have those questions because at that moment,I forgot that JWs are also human beings and they're not perfect.After that,I told myself:Why should I stop attending the meetings and accepting bible studies?That elder couldn't save my life,and it's not him whom I worship".I am 22 years of age now and have started bible studies since I was 12.I'm still unbaptized because I had stopped accepting bible studies five years ago.I got impregnated by a non-believer boyfriend,I just gave birth last August 12th and am thankful to JAH for saving me and my baby.Three weeks before my due date,I found out that I have diabetes and have very high blood pressure.I had a risky pregnancy.I kept on praying that if HE would save me,I would attend meetings again and get baptized soon.I promised to JAH that I will teach my son about the truth and HIS kingdom.I think the biggest challenge to a parent nowadays is getting their child to walk in truth,following Jehovah's rules.My child's father is an American and he will take us to the US a year from now.I will leave the Philippines and my friends in the congregation where I am attending but I am not afraid and sad because I know there are also JWs in the US and I will be glad to meet them and bond with them.Anyway,has any of your three children got baptized?

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written by ? , November 09, 2009

Im glad you told somebody after!!I hope you have a sunny future!!!

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written by truthteller , December 06, 2009

I work on a Civil Service Job in NYC and I have Experienced and observed alot of so called christain co-workers and there behavior and speech is deplorble and disgracefull yet they wave bible and have all kinds of religious idols on their desks, shouting praises on the job, and the next minute they are cursing and speaking about sexually explicit things and viewing pornography on their computers.
However, THE ONLY PEOPLE i see on my job, CONDUCTING THEMSELVES AS THE BIBLE TEACHES ARE " THE JEHOVAH'S WITHNESS..............Now I am sorry that this young lady had this very, very, very Bad experiences. And I am not a JW. But I respect Them and they have been setting an execellent example for me. I do read watchtower and awake. and please also note: there are abuses in the chatholic church, in the Holy roller jump and shout churches as well. Everyday you find that Some pastor/congregents of some church are engaging in sexual misconduct, greed, distorting the Bible, adultery, stealing, and lying to the government about finances.....So I think the focus should be on obeying Gods word and not RELIGIONS !!

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written by v , March 14, 2010

i am glad that someone finnaly has something good to say, truth teller i really hope that one day you will become one of us, the world is crazy out there and the only safe place is under jehovahs care, i have had so many problems with drugs and so on, i found happyness with them and i hope you will too!! the end is so close and satan is now more angry than ever because like the bible says he knows his days are numbered, hes trying to bring as many people to death with him as possible...please dont be one of them

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